Questions About Sex
April 16th 2010 06:59
:
Category: No Category
I'm listening to Robyn's new song Fembot right now, and it's a marvellous groove except for one thing - she refers to herself as 'initiating slut mode'.
My questions are:
Why do women continue to embrace words which are designed to frame female sexuality in a negative (often degrading and disempowering) light?
Why is there such antagonism generated by sex?
Is it because many of us have defences we don't want to lower, yet, if we want to be sexually active we have to come into very close contact with someone anyway?
Why pornography so full of hatred, suspicion, fear and dismissal of the other sexual partner?
What is it about sex that brings out such negative attitudes (BDSM is one obvious example)?
And why are some people who abstain from sex (I have several asexual acquaintances) eagerly soaking up those negative attitudes and reproducing them?
Is it because they are merely conforming to popular attitudes between and amongst people who have sexual relationships?
Women's sexuality, blame, fear, stasis:
Have you heard the 'stud vs. slut' comparison? To quote the excerpt by Jessica Valenti I've linked to, "the purpose of the word "slut" is: controlling women through shame and humiliation." I wouldn't be surprised if a lot more women viewed sex as embarassing than men, simply because in 2010 we are still recreating conditions in which male insecurity manifests itself as lashing out at women, and female insecurity manifests itself as attacking the self. Robyn is making her sexual desires problematic, and not just because she is distinguishing between a clearly defined sexual and non-sexual space. She is using a word of socio-political repression specifically designed to keep females from further empowering themselves.
In a world where strong, independent women (amongst which I would place Robyn) often find it difficult to find an equal match, whatever the gender they are looking for, they are very likely to come up against incredulity and hate. And sometimes this is internalised. Why aren't we doing something more radical about it? The feminist movement is making progress, but that progress is not fast enough for me. I want to see women believe that their sexual power is a source of pleasure, fun and laughter. I want to see men have conversations with other men about finding their equal in a person of the opposite sex, whether or not they will be having sex.
There is a strong drive towards greatly expanded female empowerment, but even I hadn't been aware of blogs such as Feministing and the many others out there you can find if only you are inspired to look. I spend a lot of my time getting involved in GLBTI rights, however I am firmly in the belief that a lot of homophobia goes hand in hand with sexism and misogynist beliefs, so I will get more consciously involved on this front from now on...
Turned on but resistant:
Sex is one of the most intense ways you can connect with someone. It's a physical, mental, emotional and spiritual experience - whether you want to share this much with someone or not. And that is frequently the case: Either we don't want to disclose all of the parts of the self that we must in order to have sex, or we don't think the other person is present enough. Sometimes both can occur.
So what happens when unwillingness to expose every shade of our aura, every curve or wrinkle in our body, every insecurity in our psychological makeup, every deep-seated belief occurs? People tend to withdraw and fall back on negative feelings.
In the case of heterosexual sex, we need to look at what goes on outside the bedroom to derive the maximum understanding about sexual relations. If the government is the most overtly identifiable symbolic display of power, then clearly the men are in control almost everywhere. Even in Sweden, the country with the highest gender equality in the world, the ratio of men and women in government has not yet hit 50/50. This means that men are encouraged to think of themselves as more powerful, more influential, more vital and more important than women. In turn, women are often expected to satisfy requirements set by males, and put their own needs second (if at all). This applies both to non-sexual and sexual activity.
Thinking more about Robyn's 'initiating slut mode', she appears to be donning a state of mind that she can go in and out of at will, which is certainly more liberating than identifying with being a slut all the time -- but it still sends the wrong message. Women should not be identifying themselves as decadent. When was the last time you heard a man referred to as promiscuous? Even this less offensive word seems to be almost exclusively applied to women, which implies hysteria and being judgmental towards female sexuality.
Okay, I need a break.
Catch you later, and don't forget that I have officially moved! I will be updating this blog every month or so, so that it isn't taken over by someone else, but almost all of my blogging is done at Really Long Link now.
See you there!
My questions are:
Why do women continue to embrace words which are designed to frame female sexuality in a negative (often degrading and disempowering) light?
Why is there such antagonism generated by sex?
Is it because many of us have defences we don't want to lower, yet, if we want to be sexually active we have to come into very close contact with someone anyway?
Why pornography so full of hatred, suspicion, fear and dismissal of the other sexual partner?
What is it about sex that brings out such negative attitudes (BDSM is one obvious example)?
And why are some people who abstain from sex (I have several asexual acquaintances) eagerly soaking up those negative attitudes and reproducing them?
Is it because they are merely conforming to popular attitudes between and amongst people who have sexual relationships?
Women's sexuality, blame, fear, stasis:
Have you heard the 'stud vs. slut' comparison? To quote the excerpt by Jessica Valenti I've linked to, "the purpose of the word "slut" is: controlling women through shame and humiliation." I wouldn't be surprised if a lot more women viewed sex as embarassing than men, simply because in 2010 we are still recreating conditions in which male insecurity manifests itself as lashing out at women, and female insecurity manifests itself as attacking the self. Robyn is making her sexual desires problematic, and not just because she is distinguishing between a clearly defined sexual and non-sexual space. She is using a word of socio-political repression specifically designed to keep females from further empowering themselves.
In a world where strong, independent women (amongst which I would place Robyn) often find it difficult to find an equal match, whatever the gender they are looking for, they are very likely to come up against incredulity and hate. And sometimes this is internalised. Why aren't we doing something more radical about it? The feminist movement is making progress, but that progress is not fast enough for me. I want to see women believe that their sexual power is a source of pleasure, fun and laughter. I want to see men have conversations with other men about finding their equal in a person of the opposite sex, whether or not they will be having sex.
There is a strong drive towards greatly expanded female empowerment, but even I hadn't been aware of blogs such as Feministing and the many others out there you can find if only you are inspired to look. I spend a lot of my time getting involved in GLBTI rights, however I am firmly in the belief that a lot of homophobia goes hand in hand with sexism and misogynist beliefs, so I will get more consciously involved on this front from now on...
Turned on but resistant:
Sex is one of the most intense ways you can connect with someone. It's a physical, mental, emotional and spiritual experience - whether you want to share this much with someone or not. And that is frequently the case: Either we don't want to disclose all of the parts of the self that we must in order to have sex, or we don't think the other person is present enough. Sometimes both can occur.
So what happens when unwillingness to expose every shade of our aura, every curve or wrinkle in our body, every insecurity in our psychological makeup, every deep-seated belief occurs? People tend to withdraw and fall back on negative feelings.
In the case of heterosexual sex, we need to look at what goes on outside the bedroom to derive the maximum understanding about sexual relations. If the government is the most overtly identifiable symbolic display of power, then clearly the men are in control almost everywhere. Even in Sweden, the country with the highest gender equality in the world, the ratio of men and women in government has not yet hit 50/50. This means that men are encouraged to think of themselves as more powerful, more influential, more vital and more important than women. In turn, women are often expected to satisfy requirements set by males, and put their own needs second (if at all). This applies both to non-sexual and sexual activity.
Thinking more about Robyn's 'initiating slut mode', she appears to be donning a state of mind that she can go in and out of at will, which is certainly more liberating than identifying with being a slut all the time -- but it still sends the wrong message. Women should not be identifying themselves as decadent. When was the last time you heard a man referred to as promiscuous? Even this less offensive word seems to be almost exclusively applied to women, which implies hysteria and being judgmental towards female sexuality.
Okay, I need a break.
Catch you later, and don't forget that I have officially moved! I will be updating this blog every month or so, so that it isn't taken over by someone else, but almost all of my blogging is done at Really Long Link now.
See you there!
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