What do we mean to each other? (Short Story)
May 17th 2009 16:04
Category: No Category
I wouldn't think twice about confiding in you my deepest secrets - I knew you wouldn't judge me, and that even if you couldn't offer the kind of emotional spectrum I wanted you to, your input would still be valuable. But I think I've had too much of you now - I censor myself so as to more easily fall into a groove with you. But why? You yourself don't like ingratiating yourself to others. In my loneliness I mistook our contact as sacred, clung to outdated beliefs about my investment in you and how it protected me from the outside world.
And now he says "I'll be your best friend instead." And I don't even know him that well, but I know I can trust him to be there.
*
Turbulent waters, I create - why? I'd like to spawn successively smaller waves across this great ocean that is my emotional base. I want to bask in the sun, free of the attraction of choppy waters pulling my gaze down as I weigh up the probability that I will lose myself in the roar.
A crescendo never reached, the hysteria dies down... slowly but surely. Why did I invent it?
*
"Oh / I've been travelling on this road so long / I'm just trying to find my way back home / The old me is dead and gone, dead and gone," sings Justin Timberlake soulfully.
I bob along gracefully, wishing I had cause to make such an announcement. I'm dedicated towards undermining my automatic sense of speedy rejuvenation. I am afraid to rediscover my limits, because they make me want to be a better person, and I'm not sure I can handle the punishment from the rest of the world. So I simply become one more person who is working against me - the crucial individual, the approval on whose part I could use to restore myself to my former, abandoned glory.
I love the questions I pose/pause to the tune to by the minute. The minute itself is constantly gaining potential. Soon a second will hold more potential than I know I am able to give it.
*
"And that's all that I need / Yeah / Someone else to cling to / Someone I can lean on until / I don't need to..." - All I Need, Matchbox Twenty
Since another door has opened, I can finally close this one. I just hope it's not too late to reclaim my inner harmony. You'll be with me many more hours than you deserve to be. I choose to haunt myself with you as stimulus. For now.
Perhaps we'll meet again someday, and we'll be different people who might realign into a pretty pattern. A crease in a corner of the mouth. A softening of the eyes.
But for now I need to let you go.
And now he says "I'll be your best friend instead." And I don't even know him that well, but I know I can trust him to be there.
*
Turbulent waters, I create - why? I'd like to spawn successively smaller waves across this great ocean that is my emotional base. I want to bask in the sun, free of the attraction of choppy waters pulling my gaze down as I weigh up the probability that I will lose myself in the roar.
A crescendo never reached, the hysteria dies down... slowly but surely. Why did I invent it?
*
"Oh / I've been travelling on this road so long / I'm just trying to find my way back home / The old me is dead and gone, dead and gone," sings Justin Timberlake soulfully.
I bob along gracefully, wishing I had cause to make such an announcement. I'm dedicated towards undermining my automatic sense of speedy rejuvenation. I am afraid to rediscover my limits, because they make me want to be a better person, and I'm not sure I can handle the punishment from the rest of the world. So I simply become one more person who is working against me - the crucial individual, the approval on whose part I could use to restore myself to my former, abandoned glory.
*
"And that's all that I need / Yeah / Someone else to cling to / Someone I can lean on until / I don't need to..." - All I Need, Matchbox Twenty
Since another door has opened, I can finally close this one. I just hope it's not too late to reclaim my inner harmony. You'll be with me many more hours than you deserve to be. I choose to haunt myself with you as stimulus. For now.
Perhaps we'll meet again someday, and we'll be different people who might realign into a pretty pattern. A crease in a corner of the mouth. A softening of the eyes.
But for now I need to let you go.
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