On Becoming More Curious
April 24th 2009 08:31
Category: No Category
Being curious is an art form. It's a skill I have to keep fine-tuning and refining as my circumstances in life change. I have to trust a narrative that explores the circularity of my experience so I can leave it behind, abandon such a fruitless construction.
The only obsession I can afford is not to be obsessed, or to seek everything in moderation. It's a question of curiosity that I am seeking - what is the most healthy form? Of course, I need to go into the specifics, otherwise such discussion devolves into some hefty generalisations.
Lately I've been playing with the way I carry myself and respond to other people with greater intensity. I am trying to integrate my desire to be provocative and my desire to be diplomatic. Searching for that somewhat elusive formula of the undisruptive disruption, the considerate affront, the kindly confrontation, the responsible intervention. The perfect contradiction, which will translate into the kind of results I want. Better yet, the kind of process I want.
They say if you want to help others, you first of all have to help yourself. Well, at this stage I am just hungering for company and self-esteem practices which are not merely decent. I used to have fantastic self-esteem...
I lose sight of my face,
my lofty ideals waver if not dissipate,
My internal workings a blur
somewhere in between maroon and cream
while tentatively, I scream.
I gaze into your eyes
It's like a poor man's paradise
You seem so convinced
You're enjoying yourself
Even as you edge a little further
Out of distress
Subconsciously you warm to me
While nevertheless cultivating
on the outside a layer of steel
What does it matter
Which sensibility is real?
You've rejected both
But I will heal
While you keep on smarting
Extravagantly lapsing
Into those very special tortures
You're not ready to let go of
I hope you fall a little less each day
Beckon a better 'brighter' forth,
Fade less and less in May
Until you've dismantled the defeat
And tarnished all the sorrow
Maybe I'll catch you another day
Some kind of futuristic tomorrow
Guess I'll just have to look elsewhere for inspiration while I wait...
The only obsession I can afford is not to be obsessed, or to seek everything in moderation. It's a question of curiosity that I am seeking - what is the most healthy form? Of course, I need to go into the specifics, otherwise such discussion devolves into some hefty generalisations.
Lately I've been playing with the way I carry myself and respond to other people with greater intensity. I am trying to integrate my desire to be provocative and my desire to be diplomatic. Searching for that somewhat elusive formula of the undisruptive disruption, the considerate affront, the kindly confrontation, the responsible intervention. The perfect contradiction, which will translate into the kind of results I want. Better yet, the kind of process I want.
They say if you want to help others, you first of all have to help yourself. Well, at this stage I am just hungering for company and self-esteem practices which are not merely decent. I used to have fantastic self-esteem...
I lose sight of my face,
my lofty ideals waver if not dissipate,
My internal workings a blur
somewhere in between maroon and cream
while tentatively, I scream.
I gaze into your eyes
It's like a poor man's paradise
You seem so convinced
You're enjoying yourself
Even as you edge a little further
Out of distress
Subconsciously you warm to me
While nevertheless cultivating
on the outside a layer of steel
What does it matter
Which sensibility is real?
But I will heal
While you keep on smarting
Extravagantly lapsing
Into those very special tortures
You're not ready to let go of
I hope you fall a little less each day
Beckon a better 'brighter' forth,
Fade less and less in May
Until you've dismantled the defeat
And tarnished all the sorrow
Maybe I'll catch you another day
Some kind of futuristic tomorrow
Guess I'll just have to look elsewhere for inspiration while I wait...
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Comment by Morgan Bell
Science News
Deep Pencil
Business News
Movie Train
Artist Quirk
what changed in your life to reduce your self-esteem?
Comment by Postmodern Critic
Postmodern Critic
Relativity Watch
Padsoc
In 2004 I moved to the States and spent about 9 months just talking to one (very depressing) person, isolating myself from everyone. I'm a lot better now, but a part of me is still feeling the effects of that period. I gained a lot of weight during my stay there, which didn't help either.
But instead of complaining about it I'll try to find new paths towards a more enriching lifestyle.